NAN SANDERS POKERWINSKI
  • Home
  • Media
  • About
  • Contact
  • Atrocity (Novel)
  • MANGO RASH (Memoir)
  • Photography
  • Collages
  • Buy Books
  • Blog
  • EVENTS
  • Journalism

HeartWood
A blog about cultivating
creativity, connection and contentment
wherever you are

This Friendly Month

7/1/2020

13 Comments

 
If April is the cruelest month, as T.S. Eliot contended, then July must be the friendliest.  At least ten countries celebrate Friendship Day in July: Argentina, Bolivia, Brazil, Ecuador, Mexico, Nepal, Pakistan, Spain, Uruguay, and Venezuela.
 
What better time, then, to commemorate a 33-year testament to an even longer friendship? 
PictureThe way we were -- as thirty-somethings

​​This particular tradition began in 1987, when I bought a blank book and wrote an entry in it for my friend Cindi’s birthday, promising to add another entry every year. With the exception of a few years that I somehow let slide by, I’ve kept my word, documenting the ups and downs of our lives—often eerily parallel—and our passage from thirty-somethings to senior citizens. 

Picture
PictureLining up for high school commencement
​Our friendship goes back even further. My first recollections of Cindi are from fifth grade, when we were in different classes but sometimes hung out together on the playground. We got to know each other better in junior high and were best of friends by high school, when we spent countless hours cruising the Sonic together. When I moved away to Samoa, Cindi saved my letters, which proved invaluable in writing my memoir Mango Rash: Coming of Age in the Land of Frangipani and Fanta. In college, we were protest and peace-march buddies. 

Picture
PictureYounger days
​Then we moved to different parts of the country: Cindi to Texas, me to California, then Kansas and Michigan. Yet we never lost touch, continuing to exchange letters and phone calls, then transitioning to email, and visiting each other when we could. In time, our interests and political leanings diverged. Quite a bit. I wouldn’t say we’re on opposite ends of the spectrum now—we still agree on many issues—but we do have distinct differences. Once that became apparent, though, we made a conscious decision not to let those differences undermine our friendship. 

Picture
Picture1994 meet-up in Toronto, where we started the tradition of trying to find backdrops that attested to our (real or imagined) gorgeousness
 Fortunately, one thing we’ll always have in common is our offbeat sense of humor. That, and the birthday book—along with cards, calls, and emails—continue to cement our bond. Every year, Cindi mails the book back to me, and every year I write my entry—sometimes adding a photo of the two of us together, if we’ve managed a rendezvous that year—before mailing the book back. After all these years, the cloth cover, decorated with pressed flowers, has begun to fray. I guess that’s to be expected. We’re not quite as fresh as we were thirty-three years ago, either (though we like the think we are).

PictureA decade later, in another "beautiful" setting. Corpus Christi, Texas, 2004
​As memories have filled the book, and it’s become more precious to both of us, we’ve wondered if mailing it back and forth might be too risky, if maybe I should find a different way of adding entries.
 
That thought crossed my mind this year as I put the book in the mail a few weeks ago, intending for it to reach Cindi in plenty of time for her June birthday. 

Picture
Departing from the beauty theme to document friendship in 2006
Picture
Gorgeous again in 2007
​And then—oh, no—it happened. 
​Due to a post office snafu so byzantine it would take another whole blog post to detail, the book was lost in the mail. Not only did it not arrive in time for Cindi’s birthday, it went missing without tracking information, so there was no way of finding out where it had gone.
​We consoled ourselves with the knowledge we’d both made photocopies of the pages. Cindi wasn’t sure where she’d put hers, but I was pretty sure I’d made a copy just last year and put it in a file under her name. Sure enough, I found the copy in the file, only to discover I hadn’t made it last year, I’d made it nine years ago.
​Now, as we wait for the book to show up—and we have to believe it will show up—I look back at pictures from all those years and re-read the entries I managed to save and know that, book or no book, we’ll always  have something worth celebrating.
13 Comments
Emily Everett
7/1/2020 06:22:37 am

I love this story so much! And as if your tradition isn't wonderful enough, you have all these pix in fab settings. And the same hairdos! I also admire how you navigated your political parting of the ways. Cheers to you and Cindi for showing us how friendship is done.

Reply
Nan
7/1/2020 08:52:36 am

Funny thing about the hairdos: It was never intentional. Sometimes we didn't even know we had the same hairdo until we got together or saw pictures of each other. Just another example of some of the strange parallels in our lives.

Reply
Valerie Roberts
7/1/2020 06:54:03 am

What Emily said!

Reply
Nan
7/1/2020 08:53:54 am

♥♥♥

Reply
Tonya Howe
7/1/2020 06:58:32 am

Great photos to go with your friendship story. Thanks so much for sharing! Interestingly I just recently wrote a friendship story for my journal group; about a friendship that surprisingly emerged from a"bad first impression ". Then,it blossomed into a particularly meaningful and close connection.

Reply
Nan
7/1/2020 08:55:57 am

I'd love to read that story, Tonya. I've had quite a few friendships (and one marriage--to my late husband Brian) that surprisingly emerged from a bad first impression.

Reply
Sally Pobojewski
7/1/2020 07:37:11 am

I love this!! One of the things I most admire about you, Nancy, is how you treasure your friends and nurture your relationships.

Reply
Nan
7/1/2020 08:56:49 am

That's because my friends are all such treasures!

Reply
Katherine Myers
7/1/2020 09:44:01 am

I love this SO much! And a special thank you to Cindi for saving all your letters. The book will show up. Just as I haven’t quite given up that my letters to Christine will resurface some day. The pictures are just as I remember you both—gorgeous!!

Reply
Nan
7/6/2020 12:02:15 pm

I really hope those letters do turn up somewhere, somehow, Katherine. Fingers crossed!

Reply
Cindi McDonald
7/1/2020 09:45:46 am

Because I lack your talent for writing, this will be sadly inadequate, but from the heart.
Your friendship is and has been a true blessing and privilege. We have shared many highs and lows, but are stronger for it.
One of the things I really appreciate about our friendship is the laughter. Even during some very dark times, we found something to laugh about. And as you wrote, we do share a strange and offbeat sense of humor. The private kimono showing in Chicago comes to mind.
Sadly, COVID-19 interrupted our getting together in May. Maybe in 2021??
You are the consummate friend to many. And you never judge!
Thank you for decades of love and loyalty!! And I continue to look for the birthday book in the mail. I know it's coming!

Reply
Nan
7/6/2020 12:04:16 pm

I'm still laughing about that kimono showing.

And now that the book has been found (just today!), we can exhale and look forward to handing it off at our next get-together.

Reply
rehab centers in malibu ca link
4/8/2025 10:54:12 pm

Discover top-rated rehab centers in Malibu, CA offering a peaceful and private setting for teens to heal and recover. Our facility combines expert care with the serene Malibu environment to support long-term wellness.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Picture
    Written from the heart,
    from the heart of the woods
    Read the introduction to HeartWood here.

    Subscribe to HeartWood

    Available now!

    Picture
    Check with your favorite bookseller or order from the BUY BOOKS page on this website.
    Get updates on Mango Rash
    BUY MANGO RASH

    Author

    Nan Sanders Pokerwinski, a former journalist, writes memoir and personal essays, makes collages and likes to play outside. She lives in West Michigan with her husband, Ray.

    Archives

    March 2025
    February 2025
    January 2025
    December 2024
    April 2022
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016

    Categories

    All
    52 Frames
    Art
    Better Living
    Books
    Community
    Creativity
    Events
    Explorations
    Food
    Gardens
    Guest Posts
    Health
    Inspiration
    Last Wednesday Wisdom
    Local Artists
    Mecosta County
    Montcalm County
    Music
    Muskegon County
    Nature
    Newaygo County
    Oceana County
    People
    Photography
    Pure Michigan
    Reflection
    Return To Paradise
    Samoa
    Writing

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
  • Media
  • About
  • Contact
  • Atrocity (Novel)
  • MANGO RASH (Memoir)
  • Photography
  • Collages
  • Buy Books
  • Blog
  • EVENTS
  • Journalism