NAN SANDERS POKERWINSKI
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HeartWood
A blog about cultivating
creativity, connection and contentment
wherever you are

Dancing through the Decades

2/21/2018

34 Comments

 
PictureParty time! (Photo: Kelly Hunter, Flickr)
​​


​Put on your party hats—we're celebrating a couple of birthdays. First of all, HeartWood turned two years old on February 10. Can you believe it?

PictureI am somewhat older now than I was in this picture with big brother Ron

 
And yesterday, I turned . . . somewhat older than two.

​As my birthday approached, I reflected on previous birthdays and the many days between all those birthdays. That train of thought gave me an idea for this post: write about one important lesson learned from each decade of my life.
 


​Easy enough. Or so I thought until I sat down and tried to choose one bit of knowledge or wisdom from each decade. Not so easy. For instance, how do you select just one essential thing that you learned between the ages of 10 and 20? There were so many—from the practical (driving) to the spiritual (oh, those many, many Bible verses in Baptist Sunday school), with all sorts of others in between, some learned in classrooms, others by experience.
 
So while it may not be possible to pick the essential lesson from each decade, I've tried to select one enduring lesson from each of those time spans.
 
Here's what I came up with:

Decade 1
Ages: 0 to 10
Lesson: Make friends, early and often

PictureWith neighborhood girls and others at a birthday party. (That's me in the back row, second from left.)
​Schoolmates, Brownie troop, Sunday school classmates, cousins—kids my age were everywhere in those early Baby Boomer years. As an almost-only child whose sole sibling was already a teenager when I was born, I enjoyed solitude but also treasured companionship. Lucky for me, five girls just my age all lived within a block of my house. That lively gang gave me my first taste of sisterhood.  

​It was during those years that I first opened myself up to kids who were different in some way from my other friends and me. The sweet-faced second-grader who never spoke; the brilliant boy whose cerebral palsy twisted his body and slurred his speech; the new-in-town girl who stood nearly a foot taller than the rest of us; the kid in husky jeans whose first name sounded unfortunately similar to Lard. For some reason, I was drawn to these kids. Maybe it was only curiosity at first, but over time I found admirable qualities in each of them (especially the time that super-tall girl dangled off a bridge by her ankles to rescue my little dog, who'd slipped through the creek's icy surface). Those early encounters set the stage for some of the richest friendships of my life.

Decade 2
Ages: 10-20
Lesson: Embrace change

​Oh, so many changes. The physical, of course. And as I progressed through the grades and moved up to bigger schools, an ever-changing cast of characters enlivening my days. 
PictureSamoa!
​At least home and neighborhood stayed the same, but only through the first half of the decade. That all changed the year I turned 16, when my parents and I moved to American Samoa. I could write a book about that. Oh, that's right, I did. Maybe someday you can read it. For now, I'll just say that moving from Oklahoma to an island in the South Pacific where people summoned turtles and sharks with song, cured disease by appeasing spirits, and feasted on the reproductive organs of sea worms was mind- and world-expanding. Thanks to the warmth of the Samoan people, the beauty of the landscape, and the élan of the other teenagers on the island, I flourished in that setting instead of moping about what I'd left behind.

Picture
I embraced island life

​Decade 3
Ages: 20-30
Lesson: Balance brain and body

PictureBuckling down
​These were years of hitting the books—college first, then graduate school. All those courses in science and math were exhilarating, but intense. For relief, I got physical. Really physical! I joined the campus dance company and spent 15 to 20 hours a week in dance classes and rehearsals (enough to qualify for a phys-ed minor, which struck this non-athlete as amusing). I hiked in the woods, rode my bike to the beach, walked or biked to campus and into town for errands, swam laps in the community pool, and took up yoga and strength training. By the time I graduated, my health habits were as engrained as my study habits, and both have stuck with me. (But please don't ask me to do a pirouette.)

Picture
Letting go

​Decade 4
Ages: 30-40
Lesson: Go with your gut

Picture
30-ish
​By age 30, I had my life more or less mapped out. Then one day I looked at that map and went: Wait a minute—I'm going where?? I don't think so! The problem was, going a different way meant leaving a long-term relationship, stepping off a professional track, moving to a part of the country where I never imagined myself living—in short, heading a completely different direction with no guarantee it was the right one. 
PictureA daring change of direction brought me to Detroit (Photo: Max Pixel)


​​Yet some internal stirring urged me to go for it. I did, and I've never regretted it. That bold move led to a rewarding career in journalism, a new trove of treasured friendships and world-expanding experiences, and eventually, the satisfying life I'm living today.

​Decade 5
Ages: 40-50
Lesson: There's life after loss

​As my fortieth birthday approached, everything once again seemed on track and moving in the right direction. A few months later, a massive heart attack claimed my husband Brian. A year after that, cancer crept up on me for the third time, sending me into rounds of aggressive treatments that nearly killed me.
​I emerged from all those traumas physically and emotionally scarred and sure that life would never be the same. I was right about that. Life would never be the same. But that didn't mean it couldn't be good in other ways.  
PictureFlower bouquets helped me feel good again (Photo: Pxhere)
​At first, I kept my expectations low. "Good" might mean nothing more than a bouquet of fresh flowers on my coffee table or a walk around the block with a friend. As I opened myself up to these small pleasures, though, I began to see more possibilities and claim bigger chunks of happiness. I met and married Ray, learned to ride a motorcycle, took some unforgettable trips, did volunteer work, and found a new job flexible enough to mesh with the freelance career I also launched during this decade. My forties turned out to be some of my happiest years.

Picture
Motorcycles brought me newfound joy (Photo: Philip Dougan)
Picture
So did this motorcycle man (Photo: Emily Everett)

​Decade 6
Age: 50-60
Lesson: Stay flexible

PictureMy flowers were thriving . . .
​Hmmmm. I'm starting to see a pattern here. Once more, I was all comfy with my life, enjoying my work and taking pleasure in play. We finished remodeling our house, my flower gardens were thriving, my writing was going well, everything was paid for, and there was little else I needed or wanted. I envisioned coasting through the rest of life just so.

Picture. . . the house was just the way we wanted it
​Oh, but did I mention I have a restless husband? About halfway through this decade, he got the itch to move. At first, I resisted. I was happy where we were, the house was finally just the way we wanted it, life was good and reasonably easy. Why mess with that? But then I remembered all the other times that venturing into the unknown had paid big dividends, and I got on board.

​Thank goodness I did, because we ended up here in this beautiful, creative, open-hearted Newaygo County community.
Picture
But I'm happy we shook things up and ventured into the unknown (Photo: Ray Pokerwinski)

​Decade 7
Age 60-69
Lesson: It's never too late

PictureNever too late to try something new (Photo: Ray Pokerwinski)
​I'm cheating a little here, as I'm a year short of the end of this decade. But I intend to keep making "It's never too late" my mantra through the rest of Decade 7 and beyond. Whether I'm exploring publishing options for my memoir, traveling back to Samoa, challenging myself in yoga, tackling new writing projects, or venturing into realms I've yet to imagine, I hope to keep going and growing for years to come.


When you look back at your life, what lessons stand out?
34 Comments
Nancy Waits
2/21/2018 06:35:19 am

As I read this in Florida, high of 87 today, I am awed at all you have done. This might be my favorite yet.

Reply
Nan
2/22/2018 08:39:07 am

Thank you so much, Nancy! I guess one benefit of advanced age is having a lot to reflect on!

Reply
Cindi McDonald
2/21/2018 06:45:03 am

Nancy, it has been a blessing and privilege to have shared decades 2-7 with you. Thank you for giving me something to focus on during this difficult time. I, too, will now reflect upon my decades.

Reply
Nan
2/22/2018 08:40:34 am

The blessing and privilege have been mine, Cindi. I'll be interested to hear about your reflections.

Reply
George Waldman link
2/21/2018 07:05:18 am

Such good lessons.
In my teens, I learned to kiss..
In my seventies, I say, "keep moving."

Reply
Nan
2/22/2018 08:41:00 am

Good lessons, George!

Reply
sandra bernard
2/21/2018 07:18:29 am

What a beautiful glimpse into a beautiful person !!!!!
Certainly made me think about my life today.
Great spiritual challenge for the day...to reflect

Reply
Nan
2/22/2018 08:42:11 am

I know for sure you've gained a lot of wisdom over the decades, Sandra. I've appreciated you sharing it with us through your writing and music.

Reply
Valerie Deur
2/21/2018 07:23:14 am

We all are delighted to have you and Ray with us in this wonderful community.
This was beautiful insight into your life. and prods me to write about my decades.. it's never too late...

Reply
Nan
2/22/2018 08:43:58 am

True words, Valerie. And I know you have a lot of interesting experiences to write about!

Reply
Susan Stec
2/21/2018 07:47:19 am

I loved this peek into your life goals and accomplishments. Thank you for sharing.
Susan

Reply
Nan
2/22/2018 08:44:30 am

Thanks, Susan. I know we've traveled some similar paths.

Reply
Ruth Hetherington
2/21/2018 08:03:29 am

You have indeed gone off the rails at many places in your life and you document the results with heart and honesty. Beautiful prose.

Reply
Nan
2/22/2018 08:44:54 am

Thank you for the kind words, Ruth.

Reply
Sally Pobojewski
2/21/2018 08:13:01 am

I am so touched by your story. It's your best post yet! I am happy to be one of the many friends you've acquired and nurtured along the way.

Reply
Nan
2/22/2018 08:46:26 am

I'm so glad our paths crossed (and haven't diverged)!

Reply
Sally C. Kane
2/21/2018 08:23:47 am

Your honesty shone all through this and provokes me to reflect more on my life. I loved the photos of you embracing your girlfriends in your Brownie Group. Same tilt of the head. You have just grew more beautiful as you've grown wise.

Reply
Nan
2/22/2018 08:48:45 am

After my last attempt at trimming my hair, my bangs look pretty much like that childhood picture, too! Thank you for the lovely thoughts. I appreciate your take on life, too.

Reply
Janet Glaser link
2/21/2018 08:31:51 am

What a touching and inspiring post today. Life is like a roller-coaster. If it were more like a merry-go-round, life would be pretty boring and with no life lessons along the way. I think we are wiser at this age, don't you? Got a kick out of the photos. I remember some pics of me similar to yours in the early years. This is the time of life we ALL need to sit down and write or record our experiences for family and future generations. Your memoir is beautifully written and a treasure for all of us.

Reply
Nan
2/22/2018 08:51:31 am

Well, I HOPE we're wiser at this age, because I shudder to think how unwise I was in my youth! (I left out some of those lessons.) I agree with you that it's important for all of us to record our experiences and lessons, whether or not anyone else ever reads what we write.

Reply
Pili LeGalley
2/21/2018 01:01:29 pm

What a great time capsule of your life’s journey, Nancy. You have grown through it all in ways that keep you close to those who have had the pleasure of knowing you, and your love of writing keeps it flowing and endearing.

Reply
Nan
2/23/2018 05:13:53 pm

I'm glad we were travel-mates on one of the best parts of that journey, Pili.

Reply
Margaret Hrencher
2/21/2018 02:41:15 pm

Happy Belated Birthday, Nancy! Loved all the pics, particularly the one with you in the kayak. You inspire me to be more. Love you. m

Reply
Nan
2/23/2018 05:14:54 pm

You inspire me, too, Margaret. We're a mutual inspiration society.

Reply
Val Schott link
2/21/2018 07:11:43 pm

Great job, Nancy. I agree with all the points your made and I have one more decade on you! I am always touched by your writings, just as I am by my sister, Margaret’s. I think it is especially poignant that as we grow older, we find that while we truly loved those we lost, we find that life has a way of proving us to find and make the best of all that besets us. Thanks again for sharing this with me.

Reply
Nan
2/23/2018 05:16:17 pm

Well said, Val.

Reply
Sue Schneider
2/21/2018 11:16:45 pm

What a beautiful stroll through your life. It’s engaging, reflective and beautiful, just like you!

Reply
Nan
2/23/2018 05:18:11 pm

❤️❤️❤️

Reply
Kitty
2/22/2018 04:50:51 am

I thought I knew all about you from reading the draft of your book but I learned new things. What you do Nancy is to challenge each one of us to look back at our own lives because it helps us learn and map out our future. Thanks for the inspiration ❤️❤️😺😺🌺🌺

Reply
Nan
2/24/2018 06:49:05 am

Thanks, 😺! ❤️❤️❤️

Reply
Martha Minnis
2/22/2018 08:34:21 am

Dear sweet cousin Nancy,
I loved reading your reflections of the decades of your life! So sorry but Happy Belated Birthday 🎂❤️

Reply
Nan
2/24/2018 06:50:28 am

Thank you, dear Martha. Many happy memories of times with you as I look back over those decades. ❤️

Reply
Katherine Myers
4/15/2018 10:24:57 am

I knew I was behind on reading your blog, but I had no idea I was this far behind--and that is scary. So much time has passed this winter and spring with me seeming to be on constant 'catch up' and care giver mode, I haven't taken time to reflect on much of anything! Somewhere along the decades I missed out on learning risk taking and bravery, Thanks for this post. Though I was late reading it, I think today was the perfect time to discover it.

Reply
Nan
4/16/2018 07:31:54 am

Thanks for taking the time to catch up on these. Glad you found something that felt relevant here.

Reply



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    Nan Sanders Pokerwinski, a former journalist, writes memoir and personal essays, makes collages and likes to play outside. She lives in West Michigan with her husband, Ray.

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