NAN SANDERS POKERWINSKI
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HeartWood
A blog about cultivating
creativity, connection and contentment
wherever you are

Celebrating--and Channeling--John T

3/25/2020

26 Comments

 
​I know it’s not the week for my regularly-scheduled blog post, but I’m offering this special edition as a tribute to very special person.
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John Tanasychuk
​Reeling with grief when my dear friend John Tanasychuk died last week, I posted photos of him on Facebook, along with obituaries that were published in Florida and Detroit newspapers. Doing those things—and reading the comments from friends who were kind enough to take a moment to reflect on John’s life, whether or not they’d known him—was a comfort.
​But there’s so much more I want to say and share about John, and HeartWood seems the right place to do that. After all, this blog was his idea.
PictureThe idea for HeartWood came out of this visit


​​It all started when he and his husband Steve visited Ray and me here in Newaygo about five years ago. Over lunch at Hit the Road Joe Coffee Café, I groused to John about how authors and would-be authors nowadays can’t just write books, they have to create “platforms” to make themselves visible to publishing professionals and potential readers.

​“I guess I’ll have to start a blog,” I whined. “Everything I read says to do that. But I have no idea what to blog about.”
PictureJohn appreciated creative projects, like this mosaic ornament I made him one Christmas
​

​John, in his characteristic upbeat manner, refused to buy into my glum attitude. “You’d be great at it,” he insisted. “And I bet you’d love doing it. Just write about your life here—all the interesting and creative people you know, the places you go, the things you do.”

​Hmmm. He had a point. I thought it over, came up with the theme of “creativity, connection, and contentment,” and began to get excited about the idea. And so HeartWood was born, with John as one of its most loyal readers and cheerleaders.

That’s the kind of friend he showed himself to be all through our thirty-plus-year friendship. 
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John made festivals more festive
​We first met in 1985, when John was a reporter for the Windsor Star and I was the science writer for the Detroit Free Press. We were both covering a geography convention at the Renaissance Center and happened to sit next to each other at a press conference. I told him I found it hilarious that a group of geographers needed maps to find their way around the Ren Cen’s maze-like passages. He saw the humor, too, and laughed his delighted, almost childlike laugh. We traded business cards, and instead of throwing his into a drawer as I did most cards I collected, I put it in my Rolodex, hoping our paths would cross again.
PictureYoung John in early Free Press days. Even work was fun with John in the desk next to mine.


​​That didn’t happen until three years later, when he showed up in the desk next to mine at the Free Press, having just been hired as the food writer. I knew I was going to enjoy being desk-mates when the first thing he did was tack a picture of Liberace on his bulletin board. 

​Before long, we were sharing laughs and confidences, so easy to do with John. Both fans of the Canadian comedy group The Kids in the Hall, we could crack each other up with a line or a gesture from one of their routines. He also liked to tease me about being such a compulsive neatnik about my work space. Many times I would return from a bathroom break to find mail strewn across my desk. It looked like an accident, but eventually I realized it was John’s deliberate work—a trick to see how long it would take me to straighten things up and put everything back in its rightful place. (Answer: About one nanosecond.)
PictureJohn could be supremely silly . . . or serious



​​John did silliness better than anyone I know, absolutely unselfconsciously, but he did serious just as well. He had a gift for putting people at ease and giving his full attention to every conversation—never distracted, always fully present. 

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Conversing with Emily. Always present and engaged.
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Chatting it up with Carol and Emily at Dally in the Alley
​And curious! Which made his visits to my house interesting. Not only was he constantly asking questions, some of them most unexpected and fascinating to consider, but he also had no qualms about opening cupboards to see what was inside or poking through my closet, bureau drawers, and file cabinets. If anyone else had done that I might have thought it nosy. But when John did it, it was just part of the who-knows-what’s-next fun of having him around.
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John was known to inspect my wardrobe and weigh in on my fashion choices. I can't blame him for this outfit, however.
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Some friends will look at your pictures to be polite. John wanted to hear all the stories behind them.
​Cooking for John was part of the fun, too. He knew and loved food and cooking, but he wasn’t a snob about it. He appreciated everything I made, from the simplest bean salad to the most elaborate . . . huh, now that I think about it, I don’t recall ever making anything elaborate for John. He was so easily pleased with simple fare, why get fancy?   
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John and food: a natural pairing
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A gracious host, he made visitors feel welcome and threw the best parties, with eclectic music, great food, and an interesting mix of guests.
​Before one of my moves, I cleaned out a huge accordion file of recipes I’d collected throughout my life, including some I’d inherited from my mother decades earlier. Jell-O molds, casseroles, layer cakes, Christmas candies, that sort of thing. I mentioned the project to John—who by this time had moved with Steve to Florida—and said I hated to throw all those recipes away but couldn’t imagine anyone would want them. “Send them to me!” he said. So I stuffed them into the biggest mailing envelope I could find and sent them off. Soon after, he called, having gone through a good number of them, wanting to hear stories about the dinner parties where my mother served some of the dishes and curious (always!) why I had so many recipes for roast chicken and anything containing bananas, figs, or eggplant.
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Dinner at John's. Never pretentious. Unfailingly delicious!
​While both at the Free Press, we got in the habit of taking lunch-hour walks together. Sometimes it was to actually go to lunch—usually somewhere like Ham Heaven for bean soup—but usually it was just to run errands and talk about anything that came to mind or resulted from John’s incessant questioning.
​Over the course of our friendship, we saw each other through staggering losses: the death of my husband Brian in 1989 and five years to the day after Brian’s passing, the death of John’s partner Joel. We designated October 15, the anniversary date, as “Widows Day” and made sure to check in with each other on that date every year.
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Joel and John getting botanical in the park-like back yard of their Royal Oak home
​So often were John and I seen together at the credit union and in shops and cafés, the tellers, clerks, and servers thought we were a couple. We found that assumption terribly funny, since John was gay and I, recently widowed and recuperating from cancer treatment, was about as interested in a romantic relationship as I was in flying to the moon. Which is to say not at all (unless John had been going to the moon, in which case I might have considered it).
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Some people apparently thought we made a good couple. We found that hilarious.
​Eventually, though, new romance came to both of us, and we both reacted as good friends do, thoroughly checking out the other’s suitor.
 
The first time Ray picked me up at work for a date, John and another dear friend, Emily, stationed themselves in front of the Free Press building, pretending to take a smoke break, but really scrutinizing the shady-looking guy in the black truck. And when John took up with Steve, I was perhaps a bit more discreet, but still did due diligence to be sure Steve’s intentions were honorable.
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John and Steve in 2009
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Steve, John, and Ray in 2015
​John and Steve’s wedding in 2014 was one of the most joyful marriage ceremonies I’ve ever had the pleasure of attending. And one of the most interesting, blending John’s Ukranian and First Nation Anishinaabe ancestry and Steve’s Jewish heritage. 
Picture
John and Steve's wedding
​When John was diagnosed with lung cancer four years ago, I was heartbroken at the thought of illness stealing his energy and élan. Yet I had a feeling John would handle cancer as he handled everything, with grace and even good humor. 
​He did. When he came to my book launch last fall, he was as vital and full of fun as ever. He didn’t just attend, he participated, helping out at the signing table, chatting up guests, and charming everyone he met. 
Picture
John, being John
​I have a feeling that wherever John is now—and I want to believe he’s still somewhere—that’s exactly what he’s doing.
​

And in these uncertain times, instead of giving in to sadness and worry, I’m doing my best to channel a bit of John’s bright spirit.

Be sure to come back next week for part 2 of the HeartWood Author Expo.
26 Comments
Janet Vormittag link
3/25/2020 06:33:46 am

What a beautiful tribute to your friend. I enjoyed reading it and regret I didn’t get to meet him. I can see the huge hole he left in your life.

Reply
Nan
3/25/2020 06:45:52 am

Thank you, Janet. A huge hole, yes. But I keep reminding myself how much joy he brought to my life over the years, and for that I'm so grateful.

Reply
Emily Everett
3/25/2020 06:36:06 am

I love this so much -- except the part that we're mourning the loss of such a special man. You capture John so perfectly that everyone reading this will love him like we do. Beautiful writing, as always.
❤️

Reply
Nan
3/25/2020 06:46:27 am

❤️❤️❤️

Reply
Cindi McDonald
3/25/2020 07:26:32 am

What a lovely, loving tribute to a unique individual. After reading this, I feel as though I know John. Obviously, he felt the same about you. Like many of us, he was blessed by your friendship.
It’s sad that the world does not have more people like John. We all need to be surrounded by upbeat, happy people.

Reply
Nan
3/25/2020 07:36:24 am

Good thoughts, Cindi. John is an inspiration to keep smiling and stay positive.

Reply
Sally F. Pobojewski
3/25/2020 08:15:50 am

A beautiful tribute to your friend, Nancy.

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Nan
3/25/2020 08:23:48 am

Thank you, Sally. ❤️

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Mary Ellen Darnell
3/25/2020 08:16:28 am

Lovely person! Thank you for sharing about an incredible person, co-worker & friend! Guess most who read your blog knows what a rolodex is! I forgot about those ;o)

Reply
Nan
3/25/2020 08:25:16 am

Believe it or not, I still have a Rolodex. Ancient history!

Reply
Katie link
3/25/2020 09:02:21 am

What an amazing friendship, Nan. I'm sure he's asking a bazillion questions and making a mess to see who will be the first to straighten it up. Hard to believe when someone with that much zest for life leaves us. Sending you love and hugs.

Reply
Nan
3/25/2020 09:13:36 am

Thank you, Katie. I'm sure that's exactly what he's doing! And cooking something heavenly.

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Tonya H.
3/25/2020 09:21:40 am

Thankyou, John, for encouraging Nancy to start the blog that we are all able to benefit from and enjoy. What a lovely friendship you two have had. I am so happy for you♡♡

Reply
Nan
3/25/2020 09:32:56 am

❤️Something to celebrate, for sure.

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Sandra Bernard
3/25/2020 10:29:29 am

Oh my goodness Nan....though I am horribly sorry for you...How lucky for you to have had such an incredible friendship !!!!!

Love you

Reply
Nan
3/26/2020 07:56:22 am

Thank you, Sandi. It's a sad time for all who loved John. There are so many in that group, and you can see why.

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Laurel
3/25/2020 10:36:01 am

Nancy - I'm so sorry - I had no idea.

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Nan
3/26/2020 07:57:04 am

Wish you could have known him, Laurel. You'd have loved him, too.

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Sally Kane
3/25/2020 01:14:35 pm

Dear Nan-
I had tears as I read this. You've talked about John many times. I'm honored that I got to meet him at your book launch. I imagine that writing this must have been deeply therapeutic for you. Your tribute conveys your mutual love and respect. What a rare and beautiful person he was and your friendship as well.

Reply
Nan
3/26/2020 07:58:15 am

Thank you, Sally. I'm so glad you had a chance to meet John, and that he had a chance to meet many of the Newaygo friends he'd heard so much about.

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Kathy O'Gorman
3/26/2020 05:09:17 am

Thanks for sharing, Nancy. I feel I know John so much better. He had an amazing ability to put a smile on your face and leave you feeling lighthearted. I am so glad I saw him at your signing and so sad for his passing.

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Nan
3/26/2020 07:59:58 am

I'm just so grateful that John was able to get to the Detroit signing and connect with so many old friends there. I know it meant a lot to him.

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Janet Glaser
3/26/2020 02:07:40 pm

The photos of you two together certainly showed his fun nature. Yes, you were blessed to have a friend like John and he was blessed to have you to share all the fun and tomfoolery. (sp?) Your blog post truly is a loving tribute to a special guy. I hope his family has a chance to read this. So many wonderful memories to comfort you and give you peace.

Reply
Nan
3/27/2020 04:39:36 pm

Yes. More memories keep coming back. Wonderful to have them.

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Katherine Myers
5/15/2020 11:30:29 am

and since I can't comment again, but can 'reply', I thank him so much for encouraging you to blog. What a gift for all of us, even if I'm sometimes late reading the posts!!

Katherine Myers
5/15/2020 11:27:46 am

I feel like I just lost a great friend after reading this lovely post. What a special person he must have been and how wonderful you made the effort to stay close even after you were physically distanced. Is is wrong to be jealous I don't have a John in my life?

Reply



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    Nan Sanders Pokerwinski, a former journalist, writes memoir and personal essays, makes collages and likes to play outside. She lives in West Michigan with her husband, Ray.

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